Those Phrases shared by A Parent That Helped Me as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was just trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

But the reality soon turned out to be "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health issues around the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You are not in a good place. You need some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. While people is now better used to addressing the strain on moms and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a wider reluctance to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto negative notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It is not a sign of weakness to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he explains.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a pause - spending a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He came to see he needed to make a change to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has changed how Ryan sees fatherhood.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he hopes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of feelings and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen lacked consistent male parenting. Even with having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mental state is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the joys, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - prioritising your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his child and instead provide the safety and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - managing the feelings safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."